We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
