No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
