She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
