i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
