please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
