I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
