i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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