Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
