went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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