Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
