i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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