she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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