They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
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