There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
two words...techno handjob
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
