batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
