when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
