I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
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So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
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You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.