I puked a lego.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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