By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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