I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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