my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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