he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Randomize
