Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
