It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
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I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
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If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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