i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
