I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you traded sex for a burrito?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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