Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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