If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
