I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
