i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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