I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life