GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT