I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
21 Horny People Confess Their Boldest Sexual Advances
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
29 Shocking Confessions That People Thought Were A Joke
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!