Texts From Last Night

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  (573): View more from Missouri

  shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.

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  (573): shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls. http://tfl.nu/v89m
  Replies (38) Good night (1699) Bad night (4128)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.

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  (705): Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant. http://tfl.nu/28ci
  Replies (2) Good night (686) Bad night (3124)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.

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  (419): It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America. http://tfl.nu/twjg
  Replies (30) Good night (2480) Bad night (1463)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.

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  (720): I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English. http://tfl.nu/7f6h
  Replies (10) Good night (5522) Bad night (983)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.

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  (954): I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call. http://tfl.nu/2awv
  Replies (17) Good night (3848) Bad night (831)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out

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  (423): Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out http://tfl.nu/rbnc
  Replies (13) Good night (1483) Bad night (3277)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..

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  (512): At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso.. http://tfl.nu/wlhb
  Replies (12) Good night (2304) Bad night (922)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot

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  (630): i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot http://tfl.nu/y6a1
  Replies (12) Good night (3473) Bad night (1039)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.

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  (973): That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this. http://tfl.nu/9yd7
  Replies (10) Good night (2048) Bad night (970)
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  (435): View more from Utah

  Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night

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  (435): Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night http://tfl.nu/xeqd
  Replies (19) Good night (1934) Bad night (1219)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed

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  (630): the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed http://tfl.nu/eaof
  Replies (5) Good night (831) Bad night (1677)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.

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  (313): It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike. http://tfl.nu/mqaw
  Replies (4) Good night (651) Bad night (1453)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.

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  (810): Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down. http://tfl.nu/7v0j
  Replies (7) Good night (1943) Bad night (609)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.

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  (215): Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video. http://tfl.nu/ct0i
  Replies (5) Good night (2323) Bad night (777)
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  (510): View more from California

  Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...

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  (510): Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment... http://tfl.nu/cuqz
  Replies (5) Good night (951) Bad night (418)

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