I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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