Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
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let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
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Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?