I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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