Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i came on her dog
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.