I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
