i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
