I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
