Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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