Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
