it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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