i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
