There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
