Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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