don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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