Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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