I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
