I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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