I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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