he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
