I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i believe in u and ur pee
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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