we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
