Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
