I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Four minutes until I can fart!
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It's never too late to be topless.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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