I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
