Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
