How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
