When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
