fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
