From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
