Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
