i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
