i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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