I feel like I'm in dance class right now
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
