Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
At least make sure they are 18
Why
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
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Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
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you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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