i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
