i wish starbucks made bloody marys
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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