I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
