She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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