I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
