I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
