my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
not ubering you a puppy
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize