just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
